As Phalanx As Love Should Be

If I have to live my life without u near me
The Days would all be empty
The Nights would seem so long
With u I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in Love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young n we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without u

Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For U
U ought to know by now how much I love u
One thing u can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than ur Love

Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For U
U ought to know by now how much I Love U
The world may change my whole life through
But Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For U

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our Love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for u if u should need me
U don't have to change a thing
I love u just the way u are

Mark My Word.
Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For U
Nothing.

I HATE LOVE.
But I'm happy loving u.

Phew..finally.

A moment to breathe easy.
Saat untukku bernafas lega.

A JumpStart

10.25 am

A307

2nd desk from the left



So, there goes my first week after the celebration of Hari Raya. As everyone's been expecting, it must've been a good week to continue our struggle for the future. Yeah, the same excitement runs within me too, but only for the first 3 days la. Then it starts to buat hal. Suddenly, abruptly, things that I held so dear was taken away. I can accept it if it's a fair consequences of my own act, but surprisingly -

Someone's been stabbing my back.
Someone's been in my shadow all this time.
And..the most surprising of all
That someone holds every reason a human can think of
To prove my every doings is Wrong.

Mwahahaha!!

Seems to me that THAT SOMEONE knows everything about me.
Seems to me that THAT SOMEONE understands me the most.
Something NO ONE, other than MYSELF could do.

Haha..!! Devil-may-care, huh? Fuck urself. If u're the Devil, I can even be ur Master. If u're the Satan, I can always turn myself as the Iblis. U never know me. Or to what extend I can go to claim something that I really after. U haven't know me yet. NO ONE ever does. Be happy I'm playing nice, because u never know what pain I can bring u. If u can betray the Rules, I can even betray the whole Game.

Please Play Fair.
I'm opening a New Book.
I know u think that this words is nothing.
But trust me.
U'll wish I didn't prove it.

The birds chirping happily. The Sun spreads her Ray well to the Earth. Ah..what a feeling! It truly feels brand new. Its Saturday..and tomorrow will be a start of new week - a new week for me to continue my struggle - both academically and 'ehem-ehem'ly. Haha!!

The songs play endlessly thru the earphone. Let it continue. Let it goes on until my ears turn red. Let the song hymn in this head of mine until..until I’m tired. Sampai Lebam. There’s a strange feeling of Joy as my fingers dance on the keyboard. Dunno whether it’s because of the cancellation of the MUET workshop or else, but one thing for sure, I love this awkward feeling.


Freakishly Happy.
A rare kind of Happiness.

And to Miss Awatif Abdul Ghapar who has just cancelled her plan of going back to Seremban,
Have a pleasant moment doing ur Homework at Mawar College.
And please make sure that u'll be in perfect condition when I see u again.
So that I can continue my struggle to win ur Heart.


Let it spread.
Let it reign.
Let the words of Love tells the story.

Dawn Of A New Hope

Despair and Hope.

I woke up early today. Magoo is the one waking me. Said he’s leaving to go back home. Well, I nodded. There goes my last remaining clique in this college.

Last night we (me and magoo) have sent Aiman and Hanis home. And kelmarin dulu we have also sent home Acapen to his bus. Soon after that loving couple embarked on their journey, we looked at each other.

Where to go?

Karaoke.

Come on, let’s go.

Actually this has been my fifth time entering karaoke room. But last night is the first night where I sing to the heart’s content. The choice of song is not at all bad, but u really needs to scream if u were to enjoy it.

No, it’s not those shit of Saiful, Aliff Aziz and all.

It’s Guns n Roses, Search, Wings, XPDC.

Don’t quite remember the others, but still..

I DID SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT.

Suddenly Magoo raise his hands. It’s the last song. He switched all those Rock n Roll stuff off and selected a song.

And that song makes me realize how lucky I am -- to own a great thing called FRIENDSHIP.

How am I to face the last day in this tesl foundation? Will I be able to shadow my real feelings towards my friends? Will I ever have the guts to say what i meant, truly into her eyes?

Dunno. That's still a long way to go. For now, I dunno n I dun FUCKING CARE. There's too much shit on my plate.

Way Too Much.

But truly..hanging out with Magoo last night teaches me one thing –

The sincerest thing in this world is Friendship

Leaving On A Jetplane

Tonight is the most painful night for me.

Earlier this evening my dad called. Said that he had been called by the Bank Negara twice regarding the scholarship thing.

Yeah, the course which has forever been my dreams.

Biochemical Engineering.
A mixture of my Love and Hatred.

Do you know that human ears can turn red after hearing 30 minutes or above pressuring lecture? I dunno others, but my ears feels that way.

"There's no one who's fool enough to go to an interview and decline the offer when they succeed!"

Yeah, even now my ears still feel the heat. But no matter how much I tried to argue, the rationale still remain. Only a Fool will decline an offer so big, yet so hard to grab - from 50 individuals, only 5 were chosen. 4 gave their answer rapidly and now are in their induction course. 1 choose to ignore the offer.

Me.

Well, it's not that I'm such a crybaby, but there's something I need to do before I leave. And that something doesn't seem to be easily settled. At least not in the near future.

Ah, Fuck it. It's not that I couldn't live without it, aren't I?
Maybe I was trying too hard after all.

Well, writing all these reminds me of a song.
A song that my sister once gave me before she flew to Dallas, America.
A song by Chantal Kreviazuk.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I'm ... I'm ...

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane

Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane

(Leaving) On a jet plane

A Hard Goodbye

10.30pm

Thursday

Jati College

Well, tonight another group of TESL students had been safely sent on their way home. All thanks to Aleya and Black Express Bus Service. This couple is surely a good business partner. Looking at them reminds me of Marie Curie and her husband. (Does X-Ray have anything to do with business?) Well, there goes my random fact.

Ah, as long as it’s a couple.

Well, seeing them do brings some kind of a strange feeling inside me. Mish Kelantan so DAMN MUCH!! Rindu bena ko kapong ambo! Speaking of rindu, well The Girl do takes the same bus back home. I was like, excited at first, thinking that there will (perhaps) be a romantic, hindustani moments of saying goodbye. But as it turns out, there was none. I was busy calming myself by smoking cigarettes outside the bus while she sat calmly inside the bus.

Am I afraid to see her?

Perhaps I am.

She’s like always – demure and sweet. And the same goes to me – awkward and bloody clumsy. Yeah, I AM CLUMSY; but only in front of her. Dunno whut happen, but every time I see her face or felt her presence, my legs got weaken, my might gone astray. There’s no more Macho-Mache attitude.

Love Sucks When You’re Not Good At It.

And what’s making it more unbearable is that

I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with her.

The bus slowly moves away from the Jati College sideway, bringing along the one that I loved inside it. As the bus slowly fades away, I whispered slowly:

Be Safe My Dear.

NGCMLFU.

A Peaceful Sight To See

Kg. Kerasak, Bunut Susu, Pasir Mas, Kelantan. =)

Finally...after almost 3 month in the outside world, it’s time for me to return to my ever-blissful village in Kelantan. Although it’s still days till I can finally see grandpa, the chickens and the monkeys, their sounds dwell already in this imaginative mind of mine.

Yup, the same goes to the chirping birds and the laughter of Ali, Pak Lang, Pok Jak, Eju, Maro, Sadiq, Rubo, Beng, Aidil and the others; the ex-farisian Slumber Sixteen.

How long has it been? Does being in the outside world changes me? Will I still be the same Mat Toming as I used to be? Well, that’s for my friends to decide. Ah, Pok Jak, Eju and Rubo must be sniffing their nose in Berlin right now.

Wonder when will I follow their footsteps.
I’m sure there are many things to share. And the one week holiday of Raya doesn't seems to be enough for us all. Yeah, it’s definitely, truly, indeed true:

Friends Come and Go, but Friendship Remains Forever

And this Raya, I definitely got something to share – WhyIf.

Face The Thunder

Monday came as it always came within its cycle.
Yes, it's a start of a new week in my learning routine, as it always does since I first started studying here. Sadly though, I really hate to start my week with terrible feelings. I savor myself to be the utmost positive person, and yet, here I am. There's too much shit on my plate, but never has it affect me as bad as this one.

Do I follow my instinct blindly?
Do I hide my pride?
Do I let my false thoughts maddening within me?

Sometimes I felt defeated, but the thought of giving up without giving a fight send shivers to my spine. Defeat is for those who forfeit. Defeat is for those who are weaken by their own thoughts. I will never let myself defeated without fighting back. Sounds like I'm in some kind of war rite? Nah, just rebelling my way out of this university life scum. Fortunately, I'm not facing all these alone, I'v got my friends covering up for me. I owe the strongest ship in the world - FRIENDSHIP.

No, I'm not going to turn my back on my target. If I turn my back I'm defenseless, and if I follow my pride I'm senseless.

Not this time dude, this time, it's my fight.
AND ITS A FIGHT I MUST WIN.